I trust this process

Feminine and embodied, I am re-learning how to live life. I have been wanting to make all those changes, change my job, move to another country, and so on. Maybe that will come, who knows. But first, I am here now, with what is.

I am sitting in front of this laptop typing these words while I feel my body, I feel its aliveness. It feels like something new, fresh, different. It is showing me something, pointing to another way. I feel like a baby, trying and falling, taking her first steps. Innocent, pure and tender, full of curiosity and excitement for what is emerging spontaneously. There is also the constructed adult here, full of fear and wanting to have control and plan. Both are here, the excitement and the fear. Both are the same energy.

I am relearning to live in connection with my body, feeling and listening to her. I am remembering to give her space and deeply listening. She is so wise, she has been waiting here for a while. All the body is alive and it has been for a long time, she is so patient, waiting here to be noticed and heard. She has no rush, she is this delicate and gracious being, she walks so softly, ohh it is a pleasure to just watch her go by.

She has been waiting for a while, completely, totally wanting to be seen, asking to be heard, and I haven’t heard before. I was very busy with an always-ongoing agenda. Not the external agenda of life only, but a constant mental chatter that would never stop, would never cease. My head, a step ahead of my body, always in the future, always a worry, a pre-occupation, never in the here and the now.

It is her who comes to remind me how to do it, I can hear her now. This wise body of love and light can finally be seen and honoured. It is still very scary and doubts come. I trust this process entirely because I finally feel alive. It comes and goes like the tides of the ocean, but I trust that it will come back again. It is not a dream or an illusion, it is a new way of being, showing up to be tasted and tried. I trust her and I follow her beautiful grace. I worship her, for the first time I can be religious, it feels near I can taste it, new way of being come, I allow you to emerge.

Amen.