Radical Authenticity

For some months now I have been feeling intensely that we live in some kind of modern slavery. In my mind, I kept seeing images of ‘grey people’, factories, being chained, caged, locked down, old offices, cubicles and structures. 

For many years I have kept some resentment inside me and lately, with these insights, it was really easy to blame the system, the status of the world, all the bad things that are happening out there. A sense of hopelessness started growing inside me. “What’s the point anyway?”, I kept asking. It seemed like all efforts were in vain. In the end the system would remain as it is, and there would always be struggles and pain. Some part of me kept hoping that something out there would collapse, so it would bring about the transformation I was dreaming of. A new way of living, a new Earth where people would live in freedom, the end of slavery. 

Recently, I touched upon a different perspective. I connected with the resentment and anger that are inside of me. My habitual way is to run away from feeling, get distracted or do anything to not feel it. Most of the time without even noticing that I am doing that. Usually, I just did not want to feel or have these so called negative emotions in me. I just wanted to be happy and in peace. Why did I even have them? One day, I connected with the emotions inside of my body, they were so strong, so potent. I was moving my body, feeling, letting it all out. I had a clear realization in the moment, while I was moving. I have been blaming it all outside of me, in others, in the system, in the state of the world. I have been waiting for an external salvation. 

I started to notice how the anger and resentment were with no-one-else than with myself. All this cages and apparent limitations had been created by no-other than by myself. There is a part of me that has been wanting to play, to laugh, to feel the wind in the hair and the sand in the feet, to run wild and to jump, to take long dips in the ocean and be kissed by the sunshine of a warm sunset. Yet, a heavy load of mental constructions and structures have been pushing this nakedness down, have been controlling, repressing, keeping it small and safe.

The anger and resentment are towards these structures inside of me that haven’t allowed the natural freedom and joy, that also lives inside of me, and of everyone of us.

I saw, crystal clear, that we have been slaves, caged and grey, but not of the system or the state of the world, but of our own mental structures and fears. I was invited into radical authenticity. Everyday, to connect with the natural part that lives in me, and let it shine, let it come through the layers. step out of victimhood for real. Grow up, grow up in joy and authentic expression. Today I feel free. So free. It is not that I am finished and healed, it is an everyday choosing. Today, I choose to be free. I choose to be as I am, no matter what.